Well, I couldn't get my blog page to open, so I'll just make my own swell little page here. I have the technology. I can rebuild it.

Please use the link on the previous page if you want to check it out at amazon.com. I can't get the link to work on this page because the page is feeling a bit temperamental. So be it.

The funny thing about codependent behavior is that so much of it just seems like high functioning. You're an overachiever, you do everything just right, and nobody thinks there's anything wrong with you because you seem like you have it all together. And you sort of do. But you sort of don't, because you let everyone else take advantage of you, and you bend over backwards to help others, and then you're so exhausted at the end of the day that you don't have time or energy to take care of yourself, and it takes a lot to accept that you are more important than any of those others who are sucking the life and time and energy out of you (and that was a major run-on sentence).

I guess I'll throw in a few quotes here, because maybe some of the author's points will resonate with you. This book IS a classic (only 20 years old, but in this area of study, that's old). Here goes:

codependents felt responsible for so much because the people around them felt responsible for so little; they were just taking up the slack.

Sometimes, codependent behavior bedcomes inextricably entangled with being a good wife, mother, husband, brother, or Christian.

In an article from the book Co-Dependency, an Emerging Issue, Robert Subby wrote codependency is: "An emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules--rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems."

If we're focusing all our energies on people and problems, we have little left for the business of living our own lives and, there is just so much worry and responsiblity in the air. If we take it all on ourselves, there is none left for the people around us. It overworks us and underworks them.

We don't have to take other people's behsviors as reflections of our self-worth. We don't have to be embarrassed if someone we love chooses to behave inappropriately.

Each person is responsible for his or her behavior. If another person behaves inappropriately, let him or her feel embarrassed for him- or herself.

When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don't love you--they are saying they don't love themselves.

We don't need the approval of everyone and anyone. We only need our approval.

Shame and guilt serve no long-term purpose. They are only useful to momentarily indicate when we may have violated our own moral codes.

Nothing will help us feel crazy faster than being lied to. Believing lies disrupts the core of our being.

Sometimes feelings are like cotton candy; they appear to be more than they actually are.

Feelings are emotional energy; they are not personal traits.

Each person's feelings are his or her own. Nobody makes anyone feel; no one is ultimately responsible for our feelings except us, no matter how much we insist they are.

who we are is all we've got

And a few highlights from a list of rules we are allowed to make for ourselves:

I will not allow anyone to physically or verbally abuse me.

I will not konwingly believe in or support lies.

I will not rescue people from teh consecquences of their...irresponsible behavior.

If you want to act crazy that's your business, but you can't do it in front of me.

You can spoil your fun, your day, your life--that's your business--but I won't let you spoil my fun, my day, or my life.

Figure out if people's words match their behaviors. Is what they say the same as what they do?

And that's that. I hope you enjoyed this book, and perhaps you will consider buying it for yourself, especially if you think you could use some work on self-care (how stunning to learn that some people put themselves first, and aren't self-centered! What a gift!).

Peace.