Haiku

Acrid smells of death
Vultures on carrion flesh
The end is near

I missed the deadline
For filing my tax return
Now I am in jail

Courage the dog stinks
He bathes too infrequently
I cannot stand him

My hair is so big
It might just put out your eye
And you would be mad

Lice infestation
Crawling about on my head
I am a big itch

Haiku is not good
Poetry should always rhyme
Better things await

I lied on TV
Just because Jerry, he rules
Springer is the man

Representative
Republic is not the same
As Democracy

First he lost his head
Then the rest, eaten by a
Man-eating flower

Bats in my belfry
Float about with greatest ease
Gliding on the breeze

My favorite food is
Pepperoni pizza pie
With a glass of milk

Fantasy revealed
A great band of merry men
With no clothes on

Cold, wet and alone
The rain it runs through my hair
Dead batteries suck

Men in tights so hot
Muscles bulge beneath their skin
Breaking hearts again

Red hot summer nights
Speedy cars and fast women
Life should be so good

I went to China
To buy a good loaf of bread
It was eaten up

Friendly rabid dog
Bites and nips at my bare feet
Bloodied I go home

Delicate fish smell
On my fingertips just now
Where has my hand been

Alone and naked
I touch myself freely
And it is great fun

Whispers and soft smiles
Promises kept then broken
Old lovers know all

And now...

Haiku by the Haiku Hellion `)

Orange and white barrels
Highway Forty-Three sucks bad!
Alas, more gridlock.

See the Nordic Track?
Will I exercise today?
Not likely I think.

Hubby hogs the sheets.
He also hogs the whole bed.
I fall on the floor.

I deplore migraines.
I cannot feel Demerol!
It sucks to be me!

The black cat vomits.
Did someone feed him whipped cream?
They sure the hell did!

Saks Fifth Avenue!
It draws me like a magnet
I can't stop shopping!

Damn Insomnia!
No circadian rhythm
Do you want to dance?

Ack! Dead Presidents!
All About the Benjamins!
I need money bad!

(My reverse Haiku):
Some things are not for eating
Such as gaffers tape.
You're going to barf now DOG!

Chat was disgusting.
The Merry Pranksters II Rule!
Chat is fun again.

Chaos Theory-wow
Non-linear dynamics
Life is a coin toss.

We have a new home!
I need more dead presidents!
Back to the basement!

Martha screams in horror!
The napkins are folded wrong!
The Humanity!!!!!!!!!